I’ve always been afraid of change.
My life is built on structure and organization, which could easily be threatened or destroyed by change. See change is often unforgiving and unexpected. We sweep change under the rug, trying to ignore it, shrugging it off until it can’t wait any longer. I’ve been a victim of this the 17 years I’ve been on this earth. Because my fear of change, I’ve been afraid to speak up in bad relationships. Because of my fear of change, I refuse to lift my hands and worship at church in front of my family. I am tied down by a paralyzing fear of change and fear of how others with react towards change in my life. I’m never my true self, especially around my family, because of this. The persona I’ve built up is who I am, and will be till I have the courage to show my real colors, showing no regard or fear of how people will react.
If I was an animal, I’d be a turtle. I’d quite like to have a secure shell that I could hide in when life is a little too intimidating. But real life isn’t like that, unfortunately. These last few months or years, the time is hard to tell, have been really difficult. Honestly, I think this blog maybe more for me than anything. I’m hoping it provides me an outlet to share my feelings, and a road marker to show how I have and will continue to grow and change as the years go by. I’m sure there are other people in the world plagued with the same issues as me, and maybe just want to know someone relates. I hope that’s what I can be. I’m no phenomenal writer, and my story isn’t incredible, but I’ve got a God on my side who can move mountains and this could be the opportunity for me to share him and his glory.