Friendship · Life

Ending relationships

I had a friend today tell me that despite her being the elder, I was more mature. I would like to think it’s because of the experiences I’ve had. Some good, some bad, some fantastic, some traumatic. The last 4 months of 2016 were filled with the death of friendships. I had been friends with 3 girls since birth. We grew up together, we knew everything about each other. We were the 4 inseparable best friends. But in 2010 (ish) the relationship became one sided. Suddenly, they were planning things and not inviting me. As time went on, they began planning things in front of me and never invited me. I let them walk all over me for more than 6 years. (WHAT?!?!?!). I didn’t want to lose them even though the relationship was so emotionally scarring.

In 2016 I was fed up. I went and met with my pastor hoping to find great wisdom and inspiration. (PS: this is a great idea! always meet with someone even if its just to bounce ideas off them, it brings so much clarity!!). Through this meeting I shed many tears. I cried for what friendship we once had, and how it had died. But my pastor said something interesting, he talked about how it was ultimately my choice whether or not to end the relationship or not, but as Christians we should always forgive. And at that moment nothing about that resonated, but later I realized wait a sec, I don’t like that! Just because of my religion it’s better to stay in a relationship that hurts, than to stop it?! I totally didn’t understand. I didn’t see how a God who always want the best for us, who says we are his temples, would want this bad relationship to corrupt me (HIS TEMPLE!!). I was VERY confused. But I made ha decision to end the relationship, so sorry God if that’s not right. oops. But in my heart that was right. I cut them off. And even though it was such a good thing for me to stop this relationship, I was still so hurt. There were many nights spent crying to sleep, or days I would just break for no reason. It really was the end of an era.

I’m never sad that the bad part of the relationship was over (duh), but I will forever miss the memories we have, and I mourn the fact that there will be no more, no matter how much the relationship hurt. I think this is one reason people don’t get out of broken relationships. It’s like we as humans don’t know how to live without “our people.” I thought I was defined by them, by who I hung out with. But that’s so not true!! We are not “our people.” We are ourselves. No relationship hinged on the appearance you have together will be successful. If you put your value on someone else, (a friend, a boyfriend, family member you name it), you will never be confident because you don’t value YOURSELF. Maybe because I’m an introvert I understand and have an easier time with this. For me, the only person always there is myself. And if I’m unhappy with the one person I’m always around, that just won’t work.

Unfortunately, quitting a relationship is not that easy. Like I said I took 6+ years. I’ve never been courageous, and I’m definitely a people pleaser so this was a hard move for me. But I sincerely hope that you will consider ending a bad relationship. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ENDING RELATIONSHIPS. I don’t care what anyone says, your mental health and well-being is so much more important than the facade of your relationship.

Personally, after the finality of this friendship, I suffered from depression. This topic is no joke. It was a big life change, and I doubted myself. I wasn’t sure how to embrace my smaller friend circle. I wasn’t sure I’d ever not be sad. I cried so so so many tears. I’ll save that for another post because that’s a big can of worms I’d rather not open right now (!!). But seriously there is nothing wrong with ending relationships. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

Hannah xoxo