My Testimony

In my small group this past week, I got the opportunity to share my testimony among 10 of my close friends and fellow Christ-followers. I had written out my testimony beforehand, letting God guide my words and what he wanted me to share. As I finished writing it out I realized that I left out the “hard” stuff in my life, like my Grandpa ding or dealing with depression. I wrestled with this because I thought it wasn’t true to the whole story of my life.

Then it hit me.

There is this idea floating around, that you only have a good story if you have struggled throughout your whole life and overcome them with flying colors.

And yes I have struggled. I won’t deny it. But I realized that I was so much more so shaped in my faith by how God blessed me, not necessarily when I was neck-deep in pain.

Here is what I shared. I hope through it you can reflect on your own life and see how God has created a beautiful story in your life, even if you haven’t experienced trauma and had to overcome it. Every story is different and perfectly crafted by God.

So here goes:

I grew up in a Christian home. My Dad grew up Catholic and my Mom became a believer in college through a campus ministry.

I have gone to the same church for my whole life. My church had great worship and many of my best friends and family friends went here. But I didn’t like the pastor. He was too old and none of his messages related to the youth in the service.

Then a few years ago, the worship pastor left. One of the only things that I really loved about my church and really connected me with God just disappeared. A big part of my growth and relationship with God was gone. For about a year or two, my faith plateaued.

Then a year ago, I had a falling out with my best friend, who had emotionally hurt and scarred me for years and years. I could barely walk through the church doors without being reminded of the pain that relationship caused me.

This past summer I was offered an internship in the Children’s Ministry at my church. Of course I accepted, it would look good on job applications, I thought. A big part of this internship was my spiritual growth. I had to attend one of the services every weekend. But all I wanted to do was to try out other churches. This led to a “fake” faith. I told my boss I was learning lots and in a great spot with my faith, but I knew I wasn’t. I wasn’t happy. There was no joy in following Christ or going to church. I had no relationship with God.

For the rest of this story, I’m going to go back a few years.

July 2014.

I drove 2 days to Kitwanga, Canada for my first mission trip with the First Nations people of B.C. At this point I had just finished 9th grade, and I was sure that I had a strong relationship with God. But I didn’t. I knew facts and verses from years of BSF, but there was nothing personal. So I went on this trip very naive.

I knew we would be doing VBS in a church. I imagined a large building much like my home church. It would be big and nice, but simple. When I arrived I was greeted by a building with a sagging roof and broken stairs leading to the door. We held VBS in the basement. It had concrete floors and was cold and it reeked of mold, urine, and animals. It was disgusting and I was out of my comfort zone. I knew we would work at the youth center. I imagined it would be a large building with big windows and beams on the ceiling, very industrial feeling. But it was a tiny mobile home that 50+ people walked in and out of. The grass hadn’t been mowed in years and it was up to my hips. And I was out of my comfort zone.

When I was first met with these broken expectations, I was so uncomfortable. I was hot, smelly, and completely unprepared. But that’s where Jesus met me. He gave me joy in my discomfort. He gave me a little boy named Deshaun. At first he was so shy. He cried when anyone tried to pry him away from his mom. But I was drawn to him, and I knew we would become best friends. After a little coaxing, we did. I gave him so many piggyback rides and we would spin around the church posts together. And there was something special about Deshaun. At 3 years old, he couldn’t speak.

So of course I went back for year two. And Jesus gave me the greatest gift of all. Deshaun had learned how to say Hannah. The first time he said it I had tears in my eyes.

So of course I went back for year 3. An interesting year. I didn’t feel God at all this year. Deshaun didn’t come to VBS. It was our first year staying in a house instead of tents. There was someone on the team I didn’t like. There was no organization or planning. There was so many young kids on the team who weren’t serious about the trip. I got back home, and thought that God was telling me that I was done serving Kitwanga. I believed that was my last year.

But, for the first time in my life I heard God distinctly tell me that I was going back to Kitwanga. He said that it was not his voice telling me that I was done, but my own discontent with how the trip had went.

So of course I went back for year 4. And boy did it rock my world. It rocked my faith. Great team. Great new friendships. Successful VBS lessons. Great times working on the farm. But most of all. Deshaun came back. In our VBS, we do a game called “Praise the Lord” where each kid sings the verse and does a dance move and then everyone repeated it. And it came to Deshuan, who usually had to have someone sing the song for him, but he proudly belted out the whole song. I had tears running down my cheeks. I could see the beauty of God’s plan and how much I would have missed if I had listened to myself over God.

Mission trips taught me to thrive when I’m uncomfortable. You can’t grow if you stay in your comfort zone. So no matter how hard it is, I pursue things that scare me and test me. I know now that my true joy comes from serving Jesus and his people.

Currently, God is working on our personal relationship. I have never felt closer to God and had as much joy in worshiping him. I go to a campus ministry group on Friday nights and every week that is my highlight. Every week I fall more in love with Jesus and find more joy in being in his presence.

So there’s my testimony. Taking the time to think back on your life and how God has worked in it is such a great way to feel God’s presence in every aspect.

Blessings,

Hannah xoxo